The last few weeks have been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. Over the last few weeks I’ve been looking at faith and fear, how they affect me and maybe a lot of you reading this. I’m one of those people who would rather deal with the regrets of doing something than the regret of not doing it. I want to picture myself old and grey thinking of all the adventures I’ve taken and not the adventures I’ve missed. I know that there will be times when I  wished I hadn’t done somethings but as long as I use Godly wisdom I pray the list isn’t to long.

Since I’ve been born again which is coming up to four years I have come to the decision  to not worry about what people think. I’m losing my fear of man because I have faith in God and its my choice to please Him first above man. This was not something that happened over night believe me there have been many tears, heartache and emotions. Before I knew the love of Jesus I was constantly trying to please people. I actually lost my identity doing this, I forgot who I was and that my opinion mattered. I made a choice in June 2015 not to live for people and to live for God completely,  I meditated and prayed 2 Corinthians 5:7 which is all about walking in faith. This was my choice, it was something I lived out daily, hourly and by the minuet. I choose to give up my career and pursue God’s calling on my life which is to see the nations and tell them about the love of Jesus.

I’ve also been looking at my emotions and how they affect my every day life. I have come to realise that emotions are not always the best indicator of what to do in life. They can be right and they can also be very wrong, especially when hormones come into effect. I sometime want to laugh, cry or I’m on my very last fuse trying to be quite so people leave me alone because I don’t want to say something I will regret later. This is something I am not proud of and I am working with God to help me deal with these emotions and hormones when they arise. This has got me thinking about how my emotions affect my day, that they really can’t always be trusted and that the only thing that I can put my trust in is God and His promises for me.

I’ve been out of the country for a few months and had to come back for my Nan as she was very sick, I did get to spend some time with her before she returned to be with the Lord.  But since I’ve been back in England I’ve been feeling guilty that I didn’t spend more time with her, did she know how much I loved her and feeling selfish for not wanting to come back home. These emotions have been affecting my sleep, my mood and I just feel down. I know this is not true, my Nan was one of my biggest fans, she always told me to chase my dreams and to live a full life with no regrets. This is why I know I need to put faith in God and with His help turn everything around.

I know that fear is something that stops a lot of people, it has nearly stopped me. But I won’t let it stop me by making these emotions seem real and warping my mind. I know that God has created the ability in me to love people, to help people and to share it with the world. This is why I have to give Him this ability and trust that He will provide everything I need. I must have faith in Gods promise for me and not stumble over fear, I have to walk like Abraham and know that God is with me every step. Even when I feel like the promise is too big and I wonder how I can see it happen. I have to look to God and remember that He never fails, He will always strengthen me, guide me and with Him nothing is impossible.

I want to encourage you that when your feeling fearful, or doubts start to creep into your thoughts, seek God. If this is over something that God has called you for or given you a vision for please don’t listen to these lies. They will steal the plans God has for you, your joy, more importantly your peace. These fears are the stumbling blocks of the enemy, he wants to use them to stop you from reaching your destiny and purpose with God. I’m not quite there yet but I do have faith that what God has promised and shown me will come to pass. I’m entrusting my future to God, I know that by his strength I can get through this season and I know that you can do the same. God bless you.