We have all loved someone and had the butterflies that goes with it. Also a lot of us, if not all of us have been hurt by someone so deep that you hate them, yourself and the darkness that is in your soul. The one piece you wish you had not given away to them and that part that is now is so bruised that you don’t know if you can ever trust anyone again. The next choice you have is do you love or hate people.
If you hate them then you keep them at arms length and never quite share yourself again. I’ve been there and lived a life of hate. The hate started off small it was a hate of one person that ate away at my soul till I hated myself so deeply I couldn’t look in the mirror because I didn’t recognise the person who stood looking back at me. I walked around in a fake persona which was happy, laughing and was the person expected me to be. The thing is I was dead inside I hated everyone because everyone seemed to have a happy life, and I could never trust them with my heart again because it hurt so much the last time. I thought it was easier to keep everyone away and just fake it till I made it. Which I never actually did, instead I got future away from people and was withdrawn so I just wanted to be by myself. I never realised or understood what I was doing until I had an encounter with love himself which changed my life.
I met love himself one Sunday morning of no particular importance to anyone but myself. I met with Jesus in such a personal way that I have never been the same since. I encountered the love that God has for me which changed my heart and soul. I wasn’t instantly healed of this hate and behaviour but let’s just say I had enough of living in dark that when I saw the light I was hooked, I didn’t want anything else but Him. Four years later I still feel the same if not more desperate for more of Him and His presence. I long for Him with all my heart that I believe I am happily ruined for anything else.
This process has taken four years and am I there yet, No. I still have a long way to go but everyday I give it to God and ask Him to help me. I ask Him to show me where I need more of Him and I gradually work through my heart with Him. It’s not been easy there has been many tears, screams and sometime wanting to give up because I don’t always feel like I cope. But I get through it because He walks with me and guides me every step of the way.
I have chosen love and to give my hate to God. I have things that have been hard to give to God and I don’t always seem to have the answers but He does. I trust that love himself can guide me through everything. That His love will cast out all my fears, that His strength will get me through this next year and the future. God bless you