It’s gotten to the point where I actually can’t remember the last time I laughed and felt free! I can’t seem to get past the emptiness that making every breath hard.
I had to understand that for twenty-eight years I had lived by the world standards and I had sown those seed in my mind and emotions. They were dug deep into my soul, which is where your will and emotions all stem from
I always wanted to be wanted and found my identity in people, I believed the lies that I wasn’t good enough, smart enough and that no one would want me if they met the real me.
I have witnessed over the past few years more people coming into the church with broken hearts, with deep anguish in their hearts and spirits. I was one of those people and hopefully one day I will be able to share my testimony.
It all started when I turned 32. I had a great day with my Indonesian family, I spoke to my family in England and everything was good. Well until doubts started to creep into my mind about being 32 and not having a family of my own, being single and just being alone. I was physically never alone because I was surrounded by my family here in Indonesia, but to see them all with there family wasn’t making these feeling any better, in fact it was making it worse.