I’m one of these people that the whole world could be falling apart and unless you knew the real me you would think she has it all together and life is going well! I’m extremely good at faking happy and well put together because that what the world wants and no body wants to know that life is hard and you’re barely coping.

I always wanted to be wanted and found my identity in people, I believed the lies that I wasn’t good enough, smart enough and that no one would want me if they met the real me.

I like most people had an idea in my heart how I wanted my future to look. I would have a family, be married and have at least one child. I would have a certain job earning a certain amount of money and living in a certain house. I wanted to have the life I had pictured in my heart. I kept asking and praying for this to happen and it hasn’t happened yet.

We have all loved someone and had the butterflies that goes with it. Also a lot of us, if not all of us have been hurt by someone so deep that you hate them, yourself and the darkness that is in your soul. The one piece you wish you had not given away to them and that part that is now is so bruised that you don’t know if you can ever trust anyone again.

The last few weeks have been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. Over the last few weeks I’ve been looking at faith and fear, how they affect me and maybe a lot of you reading this. I’m one of those people who would rather deal with the regrets of doing something than the regret of not doing it. I want to picture myself old and grey thinking of all the adventures I’ve taken and not the adventures I’ve missed. I know that there will be times when I  wished I hadn’t done somethings but as long as I use Godly wisdom I pray the list isn’t to long.

I apologise that I haven’t written anything over the last few months, I’ve come home early and had quite a lot of things to deal with. I landed in England on Thursday 25th January and on Sunday 28th January I had the privilege to see my Nan return to the Lord.